MissMJ

I was going 6 months then when I bought cytokit from miss ella.

I was really hesitant kung gagawin ko yung procedure because naaawa ako sa baby. I know that she (yes,she. Baabe ang anak ko) was developed na. It was not an excuse to say that I dont have a choice, because frankly, all of us have. Ang choice ko nga lang is to terminate my pregnancy.

I was a selfish bitch for doing killing my baby. And I pray hard everyday para mapatawad ako ng anak ko at ni God. I felt I was a horrible person after the procedure. I was so emotionally drained. Physically, it was so exhausting. You have to be strong. You must also be mentally ready

Anyway, here's what I did.

On the afternoon of April 24 I started taking the meds. Matigas ang ulo ko. Wag niyo akong gagayanin. I did not follow all the instructions of Miss Ella.

I started 4 p.m. My reason? I need to give birth ng midnight dahil kapag inabutan ako ng 8am onwards mahuhuli ako ng mga kasama ko sa bahay. Anyway, I repeated this procedure until my last dose at 8pm. Tinake ko nadin yung pampahilab na isa pa. At 9pm nagchichills na ako. 3 kumot ang ginamit ko dahil sobrang lamig ng pakiramdam ko at may fever ako non. 39.7.

Pinilit kong matulog. At around 11pm mejo masakit puson ko but I can tolerate the pain. Hindi nga lang bumababa lagnat ko. I was so thirsty so uminom ako ng konting tubig. Gutom na gutom na ko nito dahil walang dinner. At around 1:30am di na ko mapakali sa higaan. I cant sleep nadin dahil masakit ang balakang ko. Naninigas yung tyan ko tpos lalambot. I dont know, pero pakiramdam ko pinipilit labanan ng anak ko yung cyto. I was crying and saying sorry to my child. I know napakaselfish ko dahil I told her na sana wag akong mahirapan na ilabas siya. 2:30 am kumain ako ng biscuits at uminom ako ng maraming water. Medyo nagsasubside nadin fever ko Bumalik ako sa bed at humiga. Nkatagilid ako kasi nga ang sakit ng balakang ko

3am sobrang sakit na ng pkiramdam ko. I know na naglelabor na ako. Tumatayo ako at humihiga. 3:15am inilagay ko sa bnyo yung kit ko na may mga adult diapers napkin and panty. Naghanda din ako ng damit ko at mainot na tubig panlinis ng sarili ko.

Pagkatapos nito, mga 3:20 palakad lakad lang ako. Tapos di ko na talaga makaya yung pain. 3:30 nakaupo ako sa toilet bowl. I was crying in pain. After 5 mins bigla pumutok water bag ko and then lumabas agad si baby. Yung cord niya mejo nabitin ang paglabas at placenta. Kahit umiri ako ayaw lumabas. 20mins na ko iri ng iri pro ayaw talaga. So mejo tumayo ako ng konti sa bowl at si baby umangat din dahil yung cord nya nsa vagina ko pa. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang gagawin ko. Kita kong duguan ang anak ko. At the sama time nagpapanic ako dahil ayaw lumbas ng placenta. I decided na buksan ung adult diaper at ibinalot ko yung cord don tas hinila ko na at lumbas naman lahat.

I picked up my baby sa toilet. And then I saw her. Babae sya and she looked like me. I was saying sorry. I cried. Hard. Her brother is asking for a baby sister and that was his only wish and yet I dont have a heart na pagbigyan at buhayin ang ipinagkaloob sakin ni God. I felt really bad.

April 25,2019 I had a successful medical abortion. It's May 3 and I still have my period. I drink lots of milk and vitamins para makabawi ako.

Girls, please dont be like me. Sa mga anak ko na buhay I am a wonderful mom, pero sa anak ko na pinatay ko, I was horrible. I was heartless. I am a monster.

I will forever be guilty sa ginawa ko.

Guys, I am 5 and a half months pregnant. Napaparanoid na ako. Everybody notices my tummy na😭 malikot na din si baby. I have no choice lang talaga but to terminate this pregnancy. Anyone na pwede ko makasabay ng procedure next week? I am really nervous. Katetext ko lang lay ms ella to purchase the meds. Im buying cytokit lang.

Last October 3, nakuha ko na yung cyto kit na inorder ko kay Ms.Ella. I was hppy then because finally I can terminate my 6 month pregnancy. Pero nung sisimulan ko na yung procedure nung October 4, hawak ko na yung meds non, I hesitate. After all, I loved my baby. Yes, I truly do. Its just that we are financially unstable right now and we cannot raised another child. What saddens me more is that my youngest child, only three years old is already asking for a baby. He wanted someone he could take care of. Yes, at such an early age he already understand how to take care of a baby dahil may pinsan siya na 2 months old na. So hindi ko agad itinuloy ang procedure. I told myself, that for the last time, I wanted to feel my baby inside of me. Yung paggalaw niya sa loob ko. Yung excitement ko kapah nagrerespond siya kapag kinakausap ko siya. Hindi man ako umiiyak sa labas, but I am dying inside. Its so painful to kill your own child lalo na at alam mo na buo na siya pag nilabas mo. I cant sleep the whole night. I hugged myself and ask for my baby's forgivess. If I could only give her a life thatcshe deserves, I will never ever abort her.

October 5, And after the last dose, nagsuka ako First dose pa lang nagchill na ako. I really felt pain because deep inside of me I really dont want to terminate my pregnancy. 3pm and I started having severe cramps. I dont know if maglalakad ako o mahihiga. Night came, 7pm, mas tumitindi na yung sakit. I know na naglelabor na ako.Humiga ako kasi sobrang sakit na. Pero bumangon ulit ako kasi di ko talaga alam kung paano ko ipupwesto ang sarili ko. Nanganak na ako before but this one's so painful, maybe because I am so emotionally tired. 8:45pm. I gave birth. Its a she. I only look at her gender But I tried and managed not to see her face. Kahit gustong gusto kong makita ang mukha ng anak ko, hindi ko ginawa. I dont want to see what happened to her I dont want to see what I did to her. I dont know how to ask forgivess kay God. Hindi ko din alam kung paano ko patatawarin ang sarili ko. I know this is a lifetime kind of pain.

Sa mga gagawa ng procedure, be sure to be emotionally strong. You may feel relief pag naiwala mo na ang baby but later on, it will all sink in to you. Yung ginawa mo at yung pagkawala ng anak ko. Mararamdaman mo yung guilt at hiya sa sarili mo, thay how can you kill someone so beautiful and precious. Someone who is innocent and a blessing from God.


If you really want to terminate your pregnancy, do it sa umpisa pa lang. Wag mo na patagalin. You will only suffer morecas well as the baby.

May God forgive me.😭😭😭