Last October 3, nakuha ko na yung cyto kit na inorder ko kay Ms.Ella. I was hppy then because finally I can terminate my 6 month pregnancy. Pero nung sisimulan ko na yung procedure nung October 4, hawak ko na yung meds non, I hesitate. After all, I loved my baby. Yes, I truly do. Its just that we are financially unstable right now and we cannot raised another child. What saddens me more is that my youngest child, only three years old is already asking for a baby. He wanted someone he could take care of. Yes, at such an early age he already understand how to take care of a baby dahil may pinsan siya na 2 months old na. So hindi ko agad itinuloy ang procedure. I told myself, that for the last time, I wanted to feel my baby inside of me. Yung paggalaw niya sa loob ko. Yung excitement ko kapah nagrerespond siya kapag kinakausap ko siya. Hindi man ako umiiyak sa labas, but I am dying inside. Its so painful to kill your own child lalo na at alam mo na buo na siya pag nilabas mo. I cant sleep the whole night. I hugged myself and ask for my baby's forgivess. If I could only give her a life thatcshe deserves, I will never ever abort her.
October 5, And after the last dose, nagsuka ako First dose pa lang nagchill na ako. I really felt pain because deep inside of me I really dont want to terminate my pregnancy. 3pm and I started having severe cramps. I dont know if maglalakad ako o mahihiga. Night came, 7pm, mas tumitindi na yung sakit. I know na naglelabor na ako.Humiga ako kasi sobrang sakit na. Pero bumangon ulit ako kasi di ko talaga alam kung paano ko ipupwesto ang sarili ko. Nanganak na ako before but this one's so painful, maybe because I am so emotionally tired. 8:45pm. I gave birth. Its a she. I only look at her gender But I tried and managed not to see her face. Kahit gustong gusto kong makita ang mukha ng anak ko, hindi ko ginawa. I dont want to see what happened to her I dont want to see what I did to her. I dont know how to ask forgivess kay God. Hindi ko din alam kung paano ko patatawarin ang sarili ko. I know this is a lifetime kind of pain.
Sa mga gagawa ng procedure, be sure to be emotionally strong. You may feel relief pag naiwala mo na ang baby but later on, it will all sink in to you. Yung ginawa mo at yung pagkawala ng anak ko. Mararamdaman mo yung guilt at hiya sa sarili mo, thay how can you kill someone so beautiful and precious. Someone who is innocent and a blessing from God.
If you really want to terminate your pregnancy, do it sa umpisa pa lang. Wag mo na patagalin. You will only suffer morecas well as the baby.
May God forgive me.ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
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