Missminchin

Hi everyone. Just wanna share my story when i was exactly 5weeks and 4days along. My last menstrual period was September 15, 2018. I have a regular cycle so monitored ko po tlaga if delayed ako or what. I was more than a week delayed when I asked my partner to buy me a home pregnancy kit and I tested positive, very faint line po sya dun sa T zone but visible parin , at first I was in denial and I asked my partner to buy me a kit again and this time mas clear yung result. I was so devastated that time, i am not ready, marami akong naisip na negativities, though I have a good career and I can say na nasa tamang edad na ako (I'm 24) naunahan pa rin ako ng takot, naisip ko na marami pa akong gustong maaccomplish before ako magbuntis, plus hnd pa kami naikakasal ng partner ko at strict ang both families namin. Meanwhile, my partner wants to marry me and continue my pregnancy. I know he's reasonable enough, not to mention we both are licensed engineers, of legal age and been almost 6years in our relationship, we even both live together. So ano pang kulang db? But i was just coward enough to choose abortion. I know how my decision pained my partner but still he chose to support and show some love on me. To be exact po, here is my procedure:

Oct 18, 2018: My first home PT wherein I tested positive, the same I first texted miss ella.

Oct 19, 2018: We were about to close our transaction with miss ella when i read about ectopic pregnancy. Again, i was terrified. So we first went to an ob-gyne and get myself checked to see if everything is normal. I had my transvaginal ultrasound and the doctor did not see anything, not a sac even a fetal pole, its just the thickening of my uterine lining. I had my PT again at the clinic and again it looks like I had a negative result. The doctor was'nt sure of my PT result so she recommended me to have a serum test wherein it confirmed my pregnancy.

Oct 20, 2018: I just cannit wait any longer dahil ntatakot ako na baka lumitaw na sakin ang signs of pregnancy that is why even if we are not sure kung saan maiimplant ang embryo, we decided to close the deal with miss ella. That day we sent her the money. Btw, i chose mife kit and for my duration, it costs Php 5,200.00

Oct 22, 2018: The day when my parcel is ready for pick up. Since we have online tracker naman at LBC website i was able to anticipate that it will be my first day. As preparation, nagfasting na po ako. By 7pm i took the first pill. I felt mild cramps but over all its tolerable.

Oct 23, 2018: My second day, this time its for the misoprostol pills. I prepared myself since most reviews na nbabasa ko dito sa forum ay napakasakit ng dinadanas in this part of procedure. I had my prayers with me. Also kasama ko rin ang partner ko all through out ng process na to. We prepared enough stuffs na kekelanganin ko. At 7pm i took my first dose of misoprostol, i am still okay. Btw, yung partner ko rin ang nagiinsert ng meds sa puerta ko. On my second dose, dun ko na po nramdaman lahat ng masakit. Nagkakadscharge narin ako nito. Yung surgical gloves na gamit ng partner ko eh my stains na may hue na ng brownish red yung dscharge ko. Dito ko po nramdaman ung chills, sakit ng tyan (sobrang sakit po) my hyperacidity pa man din ako at hnd pwedeng magsuka kaya tntry kong itulog kaso nilalagnat nadin ako pero hnd nmn po sobrang taas. Yung sakit po ng puson sobra, parang pinipiga, hnd ko po kinakaya yung pain but wala ng atrasan to. And nung last dose ko po ng misoporostol, same feeling pa rin po masakit parin pero may bleesdng nako nito, nung ininsert po sakin ng partner ko ung miso bumulwak ang dugo at may bood clots narin sa gloves.

Oct 24, 2018: We waited until 4am, i was disappointed kase halos malinis po pads ko except dun sa lumabas na dugo nung last insertion sakin. I am starting to worry this time because unlike ng mga reviews dito, agad lumabas ung kanila and they bleed a lot right away. So i exercise a lot, as in a lot po. Then i felt sunod sunod pong lumalabas ung blood ko. I went to the cr since nkakaramdam po ako na para akong magtatae, right there pag ire ko may malaking bilog na nalaglag mula sa pwerta ko, i think its as big as a golf ball. After that i felt relieved. Tuloy tuloy na po bleeding ko until it got lighter parang regular mens po. The saddest part is that i did not got the chance to hold my baby. My heart sank. I know what I did is unforgivable but i am still seeking for God's forgiveness.

Oct 25 - 30, 2018: I continue exercising. This time im passing more blood and handful of clots. I am also into eating bitter and spicy foods.

Oct 31, 2018: We had our pool party and i was too careful not to do anything that is forbidden in the entire course of the procedure. Im so afraid that I might get an infection kaya kht pagswim sa pool hnd ko po ginawa. Also my bleeding had stop this time. Spotting of light brown discharge nalang po and its odorless. Its also my 9th day of the procedure and i took my prescribed meds for UTI (i let miss ella know about this and she approved that i can take the meds instead of amoxcillin).

Nov 30, 2018: I had my regular period after waiting for several weeks. Its really heavier than my previous menses. Im passing huge clots and blackish blood. Lower abdominal cramps is also a big deal. But i did take a rest instead we went to the mall and get myself tired. Im really bleeding a lot to the point that i need to change my maxi pads thrice overnight. Until my bleeding went lighter. My period lasted for 3days.

Now, I'm physically okay. My body is also returning to its normal cycle. I am glad that i expelled evrything that i need to and did not have to undergo d&c (raspa). Emotionally, we're not yet okay. I'm having baby dreams and it's so sad whenever I could think about my supposed to be first born. I still have my what if's but what's done is done. Right now, I am still with my partner. We're trying to move on. I want to thank him for never leaving me despite of my selfish decision. You just proved your love to me once again. To our baby, please forgive Mama for being selfish. I could not justify my decision anymore since what I did is really a mortal sin. We love you baby. And mostly, I owe everything to God. Im always afraid that he might forsake me. I regret everything that I did, I hope forgiveness can be granted upon me. I will never do this again. And thank you for not letting any harm happen to me. Hope i can be somehow deserving to our God's love.