3 replies to this topic

[MissMJ]

I was going 6 months then when I bought cytokit from miss ella.

I was really hesitant kung gagawin ko yung procedure because naaawa ako sa baby. I know that she (yes,she. Baabe ang anak ko) was developed na. It was not an excuse to say that I dont have a choice, because frankly, all of us have. Ang choice ko nga lang is to terminate my pregnancy.

I was a selfish bitch for doing killing my baby. And I pray hard everyday para mapatawad ako ng anak ko at ni God. I felt I was a horrible person after the procedure. I was so emotionally drained. Physically, it was so exhausting. You have to be strong. You must also be mentally ready

Anyway, here's what I did.

On the afternoon of April 24 I started taking the meds. Matigas ang ulo ko. Wag niyo akong gagayanin. I did not follow all the instructions of Miss Ella.

I started 4 p.m. My reason? I need to give birth ng midnight dahil kapag inabutan ako ng 8am onwards mahuhuli ako ng mga kasama ko sa bahay. Anyway, I repeated this procedure until my last dose at 8pm. Tinake ko nadin yung pampahilab na isa pa. At 9pm nagchichills na ako. 3 kumot ang ginamit ko dahil sobrang lamig ng pakiramdam ko at may fever ako non. 39.7.

Pinilit kong matulog. At around 11pm mejo masakit puson ko but I can tolerate the pain. Hindi nga lang bumababa lagnat ko. I was so thirsty so uminom ako ng konting tubig. Gutom na gutom na ko nito dahil walang dinner. At around 1:30am di na ko mapakali sa higaan. I cant sleep nadin dahil masakit ang balakang ko. Naninigas yung tyan ko tpos lalambot. I dont know, pero pakiramdam ko pinipilit labanan ng anak ko yung cyto. I was crying and saying sorry to my child. I know napakaselfish ko dahil I told her na sana wag akong mahirapan na ilabas siya. 2:30 am kumain ako ng biscuits at uminom ako ng maraming water. Medyo nagsasubside nadin fever ko Bumalik ako sa bed at humiga. Nkatagilid ako kasi nga ang sakit ng balakang ko

3am sobrang sakit na ng pkiramdam ko. I know na naglelabor na ako. Tumatayo ako at humihiga. 3:15am inilagay ko sa bnyo yung kit ko na may mga adult diapers napkin and panty. Naghanda din ako ng damit ko at mainot na tubig panlinis ng sarili ko.

Pagkatapos nito, mga 3:20 palakad lakad lang ako. Tapos di ko na talaga makaya yung pain. 3:30 nakaupo ako sa toilet bowl. I was crying in pain. After 5 mins bigla pumutok water bag ko and then lumabas agad si baby. Yung cord niya mejo nabitin ang paglabas at placenta. Kahit umiri ako ayaw lumabas. 20mins na ko iri ng iri pro ayaw talaga. So mejo tumayo ako ng konti sa bowl at si baby umangat din dahil yung cord nya nsa vagina ko pa. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang gagawin ko. Kita kong duguan ang anak ko. At the sama time nagpapanic ako dahil ayaw lumbas ng placenta. I decided na buksan ung adult diaper at ibinalot ko yung cord don tas hinila ko na at lumbas naman lahat.

I picked up my baby sa toilet. And then I saw her. Babae sya and she looked like me. I was saying sorry. I cried. Hard. Her brother is asking for a baby sister and that was his only wish and yet I dont have a heart na pagbigyan at buhayin ang ipinagkaloob sakin ni God. I felt really bad.

April 25,2019 I had a successful medical abortion. It's May 3 and I still have my period. I drink lots of milk and vitamins para makabawi ako.

Girls, please dont be like me. Sa mga anak ko na buhay I am a wonderful mom, pero sa anak ko na pinatay ko, I was horrible. I was heartless. I am a monster.

I will forever be guilty sa ginawa ko.