My last menstruation was August 17, 2018. First week of Sept. 2018 i broke up with my boyfriend, the reason was I'm having mental breakdown, mid life crisis and pressure. We're both graduate. I'm currently applying for a job. And sya? Wala pa syang stable na work dahil trainee palang sya. October 4, 2018, I had an ultrasound and my Ob cheerfully said "you're pregnant, you're going to be a mom" when I got home, i cried a lot, i prayed. God why now? Too early for being pregnant, im too young. The good side is, I know kung malalaman man ng family namin, matatanggap nila and hindi namin magiging problema yung financial. But no, I have dreams, plans and I wanna enjoy a normal life before ako magsettle. Yes I love my boyfriend but that's not enough to build a family yet. Hindi ganun kadali. How could I be a good mom kung ang unang naisip ko is im not ready for this, ayoko pa, wag na muna. I cried a lot. Lalo akong nadepressed. The thing that only comes out on my mind is abortion. Yes, I will terminate this without my boyfriend's consent.
I told my bestfriend everything, she even accompanied me to my ob for ultrasound, wee looked for a seller and I found Leizel Mallari, agad agad ako nag bayad skanya sobrang relieved ako that time. Then after few hours, na scam na pala ako. Umiyak nalang ako not because of the money I lost, but because im losing hope. Then I told another friend, Then she reffered me to miss ella. A legit seller!! (Thanks miss Ella) i ordered mife kit. October 8 when i received it and when i started my first dya. October 9 was my 2nd day, eto na yung pinaka critical for me. Word by word, sinunod ko lahat even fasting. After an hour shocks ang sakit naaaa sobrang unbearable. I can feel the blood coming out. Tiniis ko lang. so ayun, after i fart ang dming lumabas, sunod sunod yun lumabas sakin. Katabi ko lang ung diaper ko so nag change ako agad ng diaper nakita ko ung unang lumabas nakita ko sya yung 7 weeks old baby ko. I can see the eyes. Ang sakit! But I feel relieved and I just said to myself successful yung procedure ko. Until now I can feel the pain. Pero wala na, andito nako. All I can do is pray and ask for forgiveness. At 11 pm lumbas yung placenta. Hindi ako makatulog. Hindi na din ako makaiyak. Hindi pwede kasi baka hindi na kayanin ng katawan ko. I waited til 4am. Tumayo nako. Cleaned myself. Then i go back to sleep. Nakatulog ako ng mahimbing.
4th day- heavy breakfast, no cramps, light bleeding
5th, 6th - same with my 4th day
7th day- i woke up with sore breast, sobrang tight nya ang sakit. I can even go down stairs ng hindi dahan dahan dahil sa sakit. After that I felt my stomach sobrang painful lalo na pag may pressure. Uminom na din ako ng anti hemo dahil malakas parin
8th day- sameeee with my 7th day
On my 9th day, I Started my anti biotics akala ko after this mawawala na yung stomach pain ko.
At night iyak ako ng iyak si God lang malalapitan ko. I confessed to him everything. Everything! All my sins, pains, sufferings I surrendered it all to him. I keep on asking for forgiveness and to rebuild me and give me new beginning. At the morning I went to my Ob. I prayed as I wait on the line. Nung ako na, i still keep on praying. Natatakot kasi ako baka may infections or maraspa man ako. Sobrang takot ko ayoko tignan yung screen, the assistant even asked my ob kung may something ba sa loob. Then the ob told us, wala! Normal lahat. Whaaaat an amazing Goood! He answered all my prayers in just one night!
Wala nakong problem sa pregnancy ko. Now, what I learned?
Abortion is a sin. But God is bigger than our sin. Im not saying that na pwede mong ulit ulitin. If God gave you new beginning, dont reapeat the same mistake. But take it as as lesson and make your life better
Trust Jesus, Believe in his miracles. God sacrificed his own beloved Jesus to save us from our sins. Jesus has the power and the authority here on earth and in heaven.
Lastly, be humble. Before you ask for forgiveness to God learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness too. That night I was crying, I talked to my ex, I admit the sin I did, I ask for his forgiveness he forgave me. And now we are already together. It's God's way para maging strong ang faith and relationship ko to Jesus. Thank you Jesus!
thank you for reading!!
Xoxo
My first abortion experience
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, Oct 19 2018 01:24 PM
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